There is only one great tragedy in a mothers life. To run out of diapers. Let's discuss possible substitutes: paper towels, towels, lots and lots of big brother underwear, commando, prayer. Yeah, I'm not so hip on any of the aforementioned items.
A mad dash to the store is the only choice here *. Good thing it's not quite Armageddon and the shelves are still stocked. A mad dash it was. A quick diaper run. Nothing so difficult about that eh? Not so fast.
Upon entering the store, and I mean smack you in the face at the entrance, couldn't avoid the thing, I was quickly overtaken by this TV that was at least the size of Texas and possibly Alaska. Does anyone that shops at the stores I shop at even have a wall big enough for that monstrosity anyway?! No matter, it was the TV to beat all TVs.
So I worshipped. I got sucked in and found myself needing the fool thing. How is that possible? Hypnotic and cunning its power was alarming. Disturbingly, the alarm only came after I managed to escape from its grasp. Lucky me, I did escape.
In a world inundated with the next best thing, and all the technological toys a person could ever desire, maybe we should dig up some dirt, and plant some seeds, and take a walk, and see what's real. Maybe we could choose to live beyond the screen rather than to the screen.
The Golden Calf was a welcome gesture towards fun and entertainment without consequence. Its hypnotic powers promised safety regardless of behavior. Masterfully deceptive are the golden calves of our day.
* I am not an equal opportunity diaperist. Cloth diapers were not mentioned for a reason. I nannied with them and never jumped on that bandwagon as a mother. However, I have nothing against them and shout hurrah to those more environmentally diligent than I.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Super Mom
Sometimes I want to scream, really, really loud, "I AM NOT SUPERMOM!" Whew that felt great.
I don't believe there is such a thing. Furthermore, I think it inhibits the accused supermom in her ability to be real and ask for help when needed. It discourages honesty and meaningful friendships because one has an image to uphold rather than a friend to rely on.
To inflict a label on someone is rarely edifying. Placing another on a pedestal discourages self appreciation and encourages depression when such abstract ideals cannot be met or "showed forth".
Here's a thought; pay a specific compliment if you feel so inclined, but leave the impossible out of it.
And for the record, I am not bitter, just absolutely not supermom.
I don't believe there is such a thing. Furthermore, I think it inhibits the accused supermom in her ability to be real and ask for help when needed. It discourages honesty and meaningful friendships because one has an image to uphold rather than a friend to rely on.
To inflict a label on someone is rarely edifying. Placing another on a pedestal discourages self appreciation and encourages depression when such abstract ideals cannot be met or "showed forth".
Here's a thought; pay a specific compliment if you feel so inclined, but leave the impossible out of it.
And for the record, I am not bitter, just absolutely not supermom.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Cultural Pressure
What do you do when you are part of a large group that says at a certain age your children are supposed to do certain things and there seems to be little acceptance/tolerance for variance?
What if the subgroup of which you belong does not have such a stellar "program" to "move on" to and you feel its not the best fit for your child?
What if you are weary due to growing pains, of this same nature, for the past few years and you feel done offering your child as a guinea pig?
What if?
There seems to be little room (if any) for individuality within the confines of group culture. I am not finding it simple to encourage authenticity and individuality with the ever looming shoulds, peer pressure, and accusations of passing judgement on others, because something might not be a fit, at the current time, for my child.
I don't want to upset friends. I don't want to be seen as the incessant squeaky wheel. I don't want to offend anyone or claim to be making a declaration for the entire group. I do want to do what is best for my child.
He sees incongruence between what the program and its leaders profess it to be and what it actually is. The current program is devoid of all but entertainment. The world runs amok with entertainment. He is looking for substance and meaning in everything around him.
There is also concern that another endeavor, more worthy of his time, and individually, as well as socially, satisfying, will be slighted due to time commitment and conflicting schedules. The more he is desensitized by wasting his time being entertained, the more he begins to feel as though what he desires is unattainable. Mediocrity is popular and the comfort of it can be addictive. Not a message I want to perpetuate in my children's lives.
I suppose the more important question is; when and how, as a mother, do I separate myself from my own insecurities long enough to make a decision best for my child. A decision that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with encouraging him on a path that is best for him.
I am having a difficult time navigating the waters of social non-acceptance in relation to motherhood. I am at a loss as to how to encourage individuality within this particular group.
I've got nothin'.
What if the subgroup of which you belong does not have such a stellar "program" to "move on" to and you feel its not the best fit for your child?
What if you are weary due to growing pains, of this same nature, for the past few years and you feel done offering your child as a guinea pig?
What if?
There seems to be little room (if any) for individuality within the confines of group culture. I am not finding it simple to encourage authenticity and individuality with the ever looming shoulds, peer pressure, and accusations of passing judgement on others, because something might not be a fit, at the current time, for my child.
I don't want to upset friends. I don't want to be seen as the incessant squeaky wheel. I don't want to offend anyone or claim to be making a declaration for the entire group. I do want to do what is best for my child.
He sees incongruence between what the program and its leaders profess it to be and what it actually is. The current program is devoid of all but entertainment. The world runs amok with entertainment. He is looking for substance and meaning in everything around him.
There is also concern that another endeavor, more worthy of his time, and individually, as well as socially, satisfying, will be slighted due to time commitment and conflicting schedules. The more he is desensitized by wasting his time being entertained, the more he begins to feel as though what he desires is unattainable. Mediocrity is popular and the comfort of it can be addictive. Not a message I want to perpetuate in my children's lives.
I suppose the more important question is; when and how, as a mother, do I separate myself from my own insecurities long enough to make a decision best for my child. A decision that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with encouraging him on a path that is best for him.
I am having a difficult time navigating the waters of social non-acceptance in relation to motherhood. I am at a loss as to how to encourage individuality within this particular group.
I've got nothin'.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Be a Good Mother
What is that anyway?!
A wise woman once told me, "If I can live so my daughter's highest aspiration is to be a mother, then I have done my job well." Amen. Here's the best part. Every mother gets to determine what that means; all by herself.
What happened that we are so eager to tell everyone else what it means to be a mother. And worse, what it means to be a "good" mother. It even seems at times that the eagerness has escalated into a rite of passage required for womanhood. Of course this applies to all women, not just mothers, but I am a mother and that is the perspective from which I live and write.
Tis a sad day when feminism declares war within and refuses to be compassionate enough for all women's voices. We should be able to share what matters to us without hearing about how insignificant we are as part of a group or how menial our life's work is thought to be.
How about we all get down from our perches, stop yelling our declarations and passing judgement on each other, and simply be the best we can be. It's going to look different for every single one of us. Be honest with yourself. Define your life's mission by yourself, with nary a thought or slightest concern for what your bff, or anyone else, is doing or saying. No matter how loud they are.
Tis a sad day when feminism declares war within and refuses to be compassionate enough for all women's voices. We should be able to share what matters to us without hearing about how insignificant we are as part of a group or how menial our life's work is thought to be.
How about we all get down from our perches, stop yelling our declarations and passing judgement on each other, and simply be the best we can be. It's going to look different for every single one of us. Be honest with yourself. Define your life's mission by yourself, with nary a thought or slightest concern for what your bff, or anyone else, is doing or saying. No matter how loud they are.
Validation isn't all it is cracked up to be. Unless of course you are talking about self validation powered by a source that is higher than any pedestal one may be perched upon with their bullhorn.
Be yourself. Be your best self. Inspire those around you with that simple quiet message; it is much louder than you think.
Friday, March 22, 2013
The Dawn of Positivity
It's just under the surface you know. Waiting for you to bring it into being. You can't see it. You can't touch it. But you can access it. You can.
As I was sitting with my special needs toddler in the early hours of the morning, I saw the sunrise. We have had a long road with him, much longer than expected or has ever been documented for his particular disease. We have been awaiting the miracle. I have seen thousands of sunrises, but my heart was troubled and the Lord opened a window for me.
Guess what happens while we are waiting? We miss things. The glimpses, the progress, the billion micro-miracles that precede the crown jewel, the shinning moment of sunshine illuminating our whole world. My friends, that is life. Life is the glimpses, the progress, the billion micro-miracles. Each and every little click is what makes the shinning moments feel so wonderful. It is easy to take the brightness of day for granted. Seeing the sunrise opened my eyes to the beauty of the process.
Have you ever savored a sunrise? Have you noticed that you are surrounded by darkness and slowly the hue changes from pitch-dark to hazy gray. Then, when you least expect it, out pops this sliver of amazing brightness and color. But it is only a sliver, a tiny little peek at what is coming. Amazing Grace.
With each new pop and sliver of color and light comes an acute awareness that hope is here and good things are coming. That awareness feels good. It awakens our soul and, if acknowledged, can set the tone for our day, our life. Our thoughts can cause a conscious acknowledgement of the glimpses of hope that are present in each and every life. That awareness brings the dawn of positivity to the forefront of our consciousness and encourages us to continue on its path. Amazing Grace.
The hours of darkness that block out the sun can be overcome. The slow haze of gray awaits. The splash of color to follow is not so much a splash, but a gradual unveiling of careful brushstrokes on the masterpiece. The sun does indeed come and there is so much beauty to drink in before illumination.
Seek the sliver of color and light. Acknowledge the glimmer of hope. Before you know it your sky will be filled with more light than you knew possible.
Behold ...
The Positivity that is in You.
Monday, February 25, 2013
SMILE
Simple
Motherhood
Is
Life's
Ecstasy
Are you into complicating things? I seem to be. The more I open my heart and recognize that it is truly the simple things that make life wonderful, the happier I am. SMILE. Life is good.
Motherhood
Is
Life's
Ecstasy
Are you into complicating things? I seem to be. The more I open my heart and recognize that it is truly the simple things that make life wonderful, the happier I am. SMILE. Life is good.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Absolute Uncertainty
I have been thinking a lot lately. Okay, let's be honest here. I think a lot, all of the time. It's sort of a curse really. Anyhoo, my thoughts of late have pertained to absolutes and if there is any such thing.
It seems to me that the more I examine things that seem to be of an absolute nature, there are always circumstances that factor in. Hard and fast rules are easy to come by, but for every rule there is an exception.
In math, you have variables. 2+2=4, but what if it's 2 half apples + 2 whole apples, then you would have 3 apples, not 4. Science is subject to all sorts of things, whether the "powers that be" want us to know that or not. Religious beliefs and practices are certainly seen differently by each individual, even within the same umbrella of general guidelines. Education means something different to most people I know. Add qualifiers such as well, higher, or equal into the education mix and you could have a lively debate that would last until the end of the earth as we know it.
Freedom, agency, social justice, all of it is subject to ones experiences, practices, beliefs, and systems of government. How do we live in a world where everything is relative and maintain our beliefs while not trampling on those of others? Maybe most of us aren't trampling but it's seen as such.
Maybe the point is to do as the Savior did; live what you know, uphold it to the best of your ability (and hopefully get better and better at it as time goes on), and be kind to everyone. Of course then we would need to have a discussion about what being kind means. Tis another post entirely, for sure.
The one thing I am absolutely certain of is the relativity and subjectivity of all things to God's infinite wisdom. If not, then what are we all doing here anyway?
It seems to me that the more I examine things that seem to be of an absolute nature, there are always circumstances that factor in. Hard and fast rules are easy to come by, but for every rule there is an exception.
In math, you have variables. 2+2=4, but what if it's 2 half apples + 2 whole apples, then you would have 3 apples, not 4. Science is subject to all sorts of things, whether the "powers that be" want us to know that or not. Religious beliefs and practices are certainly seen differently by each individual, even within the same umbrella of general guidelines. Education means something different to most people I know. Add qualifiers such as well, higher, or equal into the education mix and you could have a lively debate that would last until the end of the earth as we know it.
Freedom, agency, social justice, all of it is subject to ones experiences, practices, beliefs, and systems of government. How do we live in a world where everything is relative and maintain our beliefs while not trampling on those of others? Maybe most of us aren't trampling but it's seen as such.
Maybe the point is to do as the Savior did; live what you know, uphold it to the best of your ability (and hopefully get better and better at it as time goes on), and be kind to everyone. Of course then we would need to have a discussion about what being kind means. Tis another post entirely, for sure.
The one thing I am absolutely certain of is the relativity and subjectivity of all things to God's infinite wisdom. If not, then what are we all doing here anyway?
Sunday, September 30, 2012
The Blessing of Inequality
Have you ever thought about the word equality? Is it even possible to attain equality. More importantly, is it even desirable? If our pursuit is to be equal, and treat everyone equal, then we lose ourselves and stifle others.
For instance: when I apply this to motherhood, I think, "How easy it would be if I could be the same parent to each child and simply ensure that there were the same opportunities across the board for all of my children." The problem is, easy does not garner the best results. Easy means much is lost.
It seems so simple to just make everything the same and have all the problems cease. Trouble is, the more people are shoved into boxes, the more they want out. Problems don't cease, they grow. Nobody really wants equality. Everybody thrives on individuality, they just might not have had the joy of experiencing it yet.
People who want equality generally want it for everyone else, not themselves. They want to be the do gooder, the champion of a cause, the stifler of all stiflers so they can rise above the masses of the equal. There is also the case of the misery loves company equalizers. In my experience that mentality comes from a place of frustration regarding said individual's inability to practice, for whatever reason, individuality for his or her own self.
I am not saying that genuine and good people aren't out there fighting the good fight for all those "lesser" and "unfortunate" people. I am simply saying that if you look at what they really want, it has nothing to do with equality and more to do with celebrating individuality.
I come from the camp that there are no "lesser" or "unfortunate" people. I come from the camp that truly believes we are all created equal in the sight of God. That does not mean we benefit from equality of the social, economic, educational, or any other worldly variety. We all have trials. We all struggle. In our own ways, and in our own circumstances, we all have difficulties to navigate and choices to make. We will never be equal, except in the sight of God.
If my life's work is to be just like so and so and have the same opportunities as said so and so, then I never get to discover me. I am unique. I am an individual. So are you. My life need not be patterned after, nor compared to, any other. Same with yours.
As a parent I am constantly debating with myself over whether or not a certain discipline or teaching method is working for a certain child. It is difficult for sure. It takes much time and effort and a deep understanding of the heart of each individual I am governing over. It is also incredibly rewarding to see individuality triumph every time. This is exactly why a large body, government or otherwise, is not the best source for governing individual lives and families.
America was founded on the principle of individuality. God sees the good in all. He also sees the need for us to pursue our happiness and not have it defined for us, or handed to us on a silver plater. Agency is a beautiful thing, but it does have its consequences. Everything does. When we scream for equality we better be ready to accept the consequences of that equality.
Conversely, have you savored individuality? Have you really stopped to think about how absolutely wonderful it is that you are you and not anyone else. And that everyone else is them and not you. It's a marvelous thing to contemplate.
For instance: when I apply this to motherhood, I think, "How easy it would be if I could be the same parent to each child and simply ensure that there were the same opportunities across the board for all of my children." The problem is, easy does not garner the best results. Easy means much is lost.
It seems so simple to just make everything the same and have all the problems cease. Trouble is, the more people are shoved into boxes, the more they want out. Problems don't cease, they grow. Nobody really wants equality. Everybody thrives on individuality, they just might not have had the joy of experiencing it yet.
People who want equality generally want it for everyone else, not themselves. They want to be the do gooder, the champion of a cause, the stifler of all stiflers so they can rise above the masses of the equal. There is also the case of the misery loves company equalizers. In my experience that mentality comes from a place of frustration regarding said individual's inability to practice, for whatever reason, individuality for his or her own self.
I am not saying that genuine and good people aren't out there fighting the good fight for all those "lesser" and "unfortunate" people. I am simply saying that if you look at what they really want, it has nothing to do with equality and more to do with celebrating individuality.
I come from the camp that there are no "lesser" or "unfortunate" people. I come from the camp that truly believes we are all created equal in the sight of God. That does not mean we benefit from equality of the social, economic, educational, or any other worldly variety. We all have trials. We all struggle. In our own ways, and in our own circumstances, we all have difficulties to navigate and choices to make. We will never be equal, except in the sight of God.
If my life's work is to be just like so and so and have the same opportunities as said so and so, then I never get to discover me. I am unique. I am an individual. So are you. My life need not be patterned after, nor compared to, any other. Same with yours.
As a parent I am constantly debating with myself over whether or not a certain discipline or teaching method is working for a certain child. It is difficult for sure. It takes much time and effort and a deep understanding of the heart of each individual I am governing over. It is also incredibly rewarding to see individuality triumph every time. This is exactly why a large body, government or otherwise, is not the best source for governing individual lives and families.
America was founded on the principle of individuality. God sees the good in all. He also sees the need for us to pursue our happiness and not have it defined for us, or handed to us on a silver plater. Agency is a beautiful thing, but it does have its consequences. Everything does. When we scream for equality we better be ready to accept the consequences of that equality.
Conversely, have you savored individuality? Have you really stopped to think about how absolutely wonderful it is that you are you and not anyone else. And that everyone else is them and not you. It's a marvelous thing to contemplate.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Train for the Right Race
Guess what? Life is not a sprint. How did it take me so long to get this memo?
I was stewing the other day. And by stewing I don't mean making delicious morsels for my family to partake of. I mean smoke coming out of my ears stewing. Just to be clear.
It was one of those days where you just can't figure out why you are doing the same things over and over and over and over and over and over again, and nothing is being learned, nor any ground being gained. Kind of like when you say for the 500th time, "Little Jimmy did you wash your hands after you went to the restroom?" and little Jimmy says, "Yes." Only it's the guiltiest little "yes" you ever did hear. And kind of like when you just get done folding the 7th load of laundry for the day only to realize you forgot an entire basket. You know those moments when you think to yourself, "Is this really my life?"
So anyway, it was one of those moments for me and I was suddenly thrown into an alternate reality. It was a beautiful place. Palm trees surrounded the crystal clear water of the most gorgeous aqua hue. The purest white sand squished between my toes with exquisite squishiness. Servants waited on me hand and foot. Children were frolicking in the warmth of the sunshine lovingly, gleefully, and void of all contention and loud noisiness. Dust never settled, laundry spontaneously folded itself, scrumptious dinners that everyone loved appeared at the immaculately set table with clean children using their best manners. Everything was free and money was not even a word. Oh wait, we are talking about reality, not dreams. Pardon me.
So. I am stewing. The alternate reality jogs up to my pace and slows to walk with me. I hear this beautiful whisper, "Slow down. It's not the sprint today. It's the distance run." The distance run? Ah, things are beginning to come into focus. No wonder I am so exhausted and can't find the finish line.
Turns out, my reality of wanting everything to be done is the alternate reality. I was measuring things with the wrong instrument, and boy does it matter. That pretty little finish line with the red tape and all those loving faces cheering you on, that place is death, crossing over to the next phase. I am still here.
I was stewing the other day. And by stewing I don't mean making delicious morsels for my family to partake of. I mean smoke coming out of my ears stewing. Just to be clear.
It was one of those days where you just can't figure out why you are doing the same things over and over and over and over and over and over again, and nothing is being learned, nor any ground being gained. Kind of like when you say for the 500th time, "Little Jimmy did you wash your hands after you went to the restroom?" and little Jimmy says, "Yes." Only it's the guiltiest little "yes" you ever did hear. And kind of like when you just get done folding the 7th load of laundry for the day only to realize you forgot an entire basket. You know those moments when you think to yourself, "Is this really my life?"
So anyway, it was one of those moments for me and I was suddenly thrown into an alternate reality. It was a beautiful place. Palm trees surrounded the crystal clear water of the most gorgeous aqua hue. The purest white sand squished between my toes with exquisite squishiness. Servants waited on me hand and foot. Children were frolicking in the warmth of the sunshine lovingly, gleefully, and void of all contention and loud noisiness. Dust never settled, laundry spontaneously folded itself, scrumptious dinners that everyone loved appeared at the immaculately set table with clean children using their best manners. Everything was free and money was not even a word. Oh wait, we are talking about reality, not dreams. Pardon me.
So. I am stewing. The alternate reality jogs up to my pace and slows to walk with me. I hear this beautiful whisper, "Slow down. It's not the sprint today. It's the distance run." The distance run? Ah, things are beginning to come into focus. No wonder I am so exhausted and can't find the finish line.
Turns out, my reality of wanting everything to be done is the alternate reality. I was measuring things with the wrong instrument, and boy does it matter. That pretty little finish line with the red tape and all those loving faces cheering you on, that place is death, crossing over to the next phase. I am still here.
I am now looking for the loving fans cheering from the sidelines, the finish line can stay far away. All those little tables with cups of energy boosting drinks to keep you going for the next 50 miles; that's my new normal. I don't know how long this race is. I have no map offering me a "heads up" on the hills, hurdles, sharp curves, and other obstacles that will come. However, I do know something. The more I keep running, the more I want to keep going. The more I enjoy the repetition, the more my muscles become accustomed to the distance of it all and the easier it feels. Mostly though, pace matters.
It's okay to slow up for the hills. The point is to get up there, not how fast you do it. It's okay to take things in stride and blow right by sometimes. Not everything is meant to be savored. Getting through one step at a time is sometimes the most graceful way to go. It's not always fun. It's not always pretty. It is however, always rewarding. The best part; my steps don't need to match anyone else. I can get there when I get there and you can get there when you get there. It's the perfect race because there is no winner but there are enough gold medals for everyone. The point is to get there. The pace is irrelevant.
Thanks sweet voice of the Holy Spirit. Thanks gracious and loving God for never leaving my side. Thanks amazing family and friends who know just where to place all the little tables and just what "drink" to have waiting. Life is never done. Children are never really "raised". This is my life. This is my race. I am settling in for the distance run and loving every minute of it.
Stew is to be eaten and enjoyed with those you love, absolutely not for coming out your ears.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Starving To Death
I hear this phrase several times a day at my house. They have never really been starving, but I suppose that's highly subjective. We have hit a bump in the road. More like a boulder with a sharp curve before and after. You know the kind you'd be lucky to make without throwing everyone out of the vehicle. We are all securely fastened in our safety belts. We fully intend to make the curve, climb the treacherous boulder, enjoy a nice slide down the backside of the beast, make the curve on the other side, and continue on our merry way.
Maybe we should loosen the belts a bit and see if we have wings.
You can head over to the family site if you want more details on the curves and boulders. Anyhoo, how would you like to offer your assistance? You'd love to, great! Send me your best recipes, preferably by e-mail, for things like: dried beans, lentils, chick peas, potato flakes, powdered milk, wheat. You know dirt cheap and nothing from the store if you can help it.
Thanks!
Maybe we should loosen the belts a bit and see if we have wings.
You can head over to the family site if you want more details on the curves and boulders. Anyhoo, how would you like to offer your assistance? You'd love to, great! Send me your best recipes, preferably by e-mail, for things like: dried beans, lentils, chick peas, potato flakes, powdered milk, wheat. You know dirt cheap and nothing from the store if you can help it.
Thanks!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)